Posts (page 2)

What's your favorite appetizer to order at a restaurant?

Po Piah Tort
Mmmmm

Which in layman's terms are delicious Thai Spring Rolls covered in a thin ultra crispy skin.
omg... want one now!

Gaius is Chuffed

Well... sort of blogging, since he's all paws we sort of have to do it for him.
Thanks to my friend Yod for suggesting that Gaius needed his own site... because he was soo right!  Now I will have someone to blame when I never get anything done from updating this site all the time ;)

It is going to be a photo blog, because dammit.. he is cute and adorable and he likes the camera.

Also... Gaius will hopefully help raise some awareness about all the unwanted pets out there that need homes, and he will be raising his paws up against Animal Cruelty as well.

So come on over and see what he has going on!
Gaius the Cat

Hello!

I know it's been a while... well... a long while since my last post.  So, here I go to get back in the swing of things, give you a heads up on how my family and I are doing and to give you a time frame to expect the rest of that Poop Story :) (this weekend)  We are all doing better, taking each day one at a time.  I'm sure that you never really get over losses like this, but good friends and family do help make the days more bearable.

I started writing back to the caring individuals who reached out to me from the day and after the day of my Father's passing.  I really wanted to reach back out, but I found myself wretched with tears every time I tried.  Partly sadness because it kind of put me back in the moment of the loss and the other part... overwhelmed by the show of such love, support and warmth.  And dammit... I am already starting to cry right now, see what you guys have turned me into... a blubbering mushball :)

So knowing that right now, I am just too emotionally weak to write each wonderful one of you, my plan was to sit down and write down each and every name of everyone who came to my side via messages, email, phone calls and letters in one big heart felt letter addressed to all of you, to express my gratitude to each of you.  So as I sat, going through the correspondence I could not help but glance back over the words written and again... the outreach of love... well it touches me and makes me all mushbally again.

So let me instead address this to all of you, and you know who you are. :)

To The Healers,

Life after the pain of a great loss is a difficult one.  It is difficult to want to get up in the morning, it is difficult to want to work, it is difficult to want to go outside and enjoy the beauty of the day.  It is easy to despair, it is easy to cry and it is easy to feel alone.  It is too easy to feel that you will never be able to heal.

But I am not alone.   I am surrounded by Healers.

Many of you shared your own personal grief of losing someone dear to You.  You shared your own personal experience of pain, grief and the road forward.  You made me feel like I was not the only one in the world to hurt.  You made me understand that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I was not alone.  Thank you for showing me that light.  Thank you for sharing your pain with me.  Thank you for making me feel like I was no longer so alone.

There are those of you who reached out with words of condolence. Even the simplest of expression "I'm sorry." was enough.  From the simple gestures all the way to the long letters of sympathy, each and every one of them made me realize how many good and wonderful people there are out there in the world that would care so much as to extend their hearts in the way that you did.  Again, you made me feel less alone.  Thank you for reaching out and showing me warmth.  Thank you for your sympathies and condolences.  Thank you for making feel like I was no longer so alone.

Then there are those immediately close to me.  My family.  During a time where we are were weakened by the blow, we all took turns shouldering one another.  I thank my Mother and Brother for being strong at the times that I had no strength in me.  I thank Rasmus for being amazing and taking care of me and loving me so unconditonally.  With them by my side, I know in all certainty I am not alone.  Thank you to them for making me feel like I was no longer alone.

Each of you have been my Healers.  Your words have been my Heart Bandages.  At a time when I was turned upside down and felt as though I had been emptied... you filled me up.  You filled me with your Support.  You filled me with you Kindness.  You filled me with your Sympathy.  You filled me with your Love.  I can not help but to feel wonderfully  overwhelmed by the outpouring of sheer warmth and kindness that has been offered to me.  How in this day and age, people with whom I have never sat down face to face and met can touch me and comfort me in such a way as all of you have.

I Thank You, each of You, from the bottom of my Love filled Heart.  Thank you, kind Healers, for helping me get through a most difficult time in my life. 

All my Love & Gratitude,

Kelly

My Hero

1 comment

On June 29th I lost the first man I ever laid eyes on, the first man I ever loved, my hero... My Dad.

Those of you who know me, know of his long hard struggle with Cancer over the past 7 years.  Everytime it popped up he beat it down into remission.  He always told us as kids that he was invincible, he was Superman to us. 

We had all just returned from a roadtrip back from California on Thursday afternoon.  He was calling us all the way home trying to guess where we were.  He always did that, it was a game we played while on the road.  He always seemed to call us around his hometown of Eugene, Oregon at one particular rest area just north of there.  So I'd sit and take a rest from the driving and listen to him tell me about all his teenage exploits running around that neck of the woods.  The road will be more lonely without his calls.

I had brought my niece with me for this trip down, we spent time horseback riding, hanging out on the beaches and checking in with Mom and Dad to let them know where we were and that we were having fun.  Mom kept us informed that after all the tests Dad had suffered through they finally determined that his cancer was coming from the lungs and that he would finally start his aggressive chemo and radiation treatments, after waiting 3 months worth of tests, on Friday.  My parents have raised my niece, so she asked me if I could keep her until Friday night.  I said, you bet.  I thought I would plan on bringing down some food to barbeque and celebrate Dad's road to recovery.

Friday morning came.
I didn't get alot of sleep, maybe about 5 hours, when I sprang from bed around 8:30am.  I had that feeling you have when you are late for work and overslept.  I rushed around the house with a sense of urgency... what did I have to do today?   I  went outside and I looked at the giant flower basket that my Dad gave me on Memorial Day, a basket of pink impatients.   The phone rang about 8:45am.

I ran into the house but didn't get to it in time, so I checked the caller ID, it was Mom.  I wondered why is she calling me so early... then my heart sunk.

I dialed the phone and she answered, sobbing  and panicked.  He's not breathing, she told me.  Then she fell silent and I could hear the paramedics in the background, firing questions at her and yelling orders at each other.  I said "Mom talk to me."  she said "Kelly... what do you want me to say."  Then her voice got so quiet and small, and I heard her begging him, pleading "Please Gary breathe, just breathe Gary."

My turn for silence while I listened, my heart broke and emptied every bit of happiness and filled back up with pain and the sorrow.  The deepest sorrow I have ever felt in my life.

She asked me to come, but she didn't have to ask.  She said with a voice a little more relieved that they got him breathing again and in that same small voice asked me if I could come to her.  There's my Superman, I thought, just hang in there Dad.  She didn't have to ask, I was already getting dressed shirt on inside out, barely able to see through the tears that just would not stop coming.  I woke Rasmus, my words were blunt and stunted... I didn't know what to say.  We had to go now.  My niece, what do I tell her, how do I tell her.  Iw oke her up and tried to be as gentle as possible, but let her know that she had to hurry and hurry now, we had to go.

We got into the car and we drove.  I drove as fast as I could wishing for once I did not live an hour drive away from my Parents, then my brother called me around Boeing Field at 9:13am.  I've never heard my brother's voice filled with so much pain.  "He didn't make it."  All I could say was "No, please no", over and over.  He cried for me, "Sis where are you, please come."  I sobbed hard and told him between breaths I am coming.

When I got there 15 minutes later, there were cop cars parked outside, but no ambulance anymore.  There were so many cars in front that I had to park a house away across the street.  When I entered the yard, it was filled with old family friends and some new ones from their church.  As I passed them, I saw their faces looking back at me filled with sadness.  I asked someone to take my niece, I had to get to my Mother and I had no idea what was beyond the front door, so I didn't want her to be traumatized.  One of the ladies there took hold of her and I ran for the door.

When I entered, the living room was full of people.  A police Chaplin was present and took my arm and told me that I needed to leave.  I looked at him and told him "This is my DAD!", and Rasmus informed him "She just got here."  He released me and the sea of people parted.

What I saw, I will never forget.  My Mother on a wooden chair, slumped over my father, who lied still on the floor.  Everything within me began to shake and I cried.  I cried until my face hurt and my body ached.  I went to her side and she clasped my hand in hers, our tear filled eyes met and we sobbed while I grabbed her and held her head close to my chest and we cried together.  My Brother came to us, we all embraced and we cried, all of us in pain yet trying to comfort each other when the only thing we had to share was the sadness of our loss.

After the initial shock, the cops left.  I did not leave, nor did my Mother or my Brother.  My Mother got up from the chair and I sat in it next to my Dad, held his still warm hand in mine and talked to him.  They left him there,  breathing mouthpiece still in his mouth and his eyes staring open.   I asked out loud "Why did they leave him this way, why didn't they close his eyes."   I looked into his face,  his eyes were scared, he looked small and frail to me now.  He was not my Superman how I knew him, he no longer looked invincible.  I wept. 

They told us that they could not move or touch him until the coroner gave the word.  We waited for what seemed to be an eternity, at least an 1 1/2 hours had passed when our family friend who is a retired Pierce County Sheriff came in and told us that it was okay to remove the gear the paramedics left behind.  I knelt over his head while our family friend remove the equipment in his mouth, I closed his eyes for him and felt his last tears on my fingertips as we helped him finally be at rest.  We took a sheet and covered him and waited for them to come and pick him up.

The rest of that day is a bit of a blur.  My Mother spoke to the Doctor and from what she had described and how fast he went he said that it was likely that a blod clot from his lungs restricted his airway.  That would have explained why the paramedics could not get any air into him despite giving him 4 shots of adrenaline, breathing for him, trying to shock him and CPR.  She was told that even in a hospital, there would have been little they could have done to change the outcome. 

We all stayed with my Mother until the 12th hour.  Many times in silence, other times reliving what we had just been through, sitting and questioning our actions, if there was anything we could have done, why did this happen when he was one hour away and filled with hope for his first appoinment for  chemo and radiation treatments  for his lungs.

We don't have any answers, we still don't.  We are trying to figure things out and make sense of it all.  The "It's the way of life and it is natural" just doesn't seem to cut it.  Maybe in time, maybe.

My Dad left this life unprepared.  My Mother was besides herself with the loss of her soul mate, and had nothing.  My parents were never rich people, often times when we were children they would go a couple days without eating to make sure my brother and I were fed.  While I didn't grow up with alot of nice things, a silver spoon in my mouth and wore alot of hand-me-downs, I was rich with one thing, the most important thing of all and that was Love.  Never a day in my life growing up in our shabby little run down house, shabbiest on the block, did I ever feel like I was missing out on anything the other kids could have and had,  because of the love and support of my wonderful parents.

My Brother and I shouldered the responsibility of seeing to his final needs.  For once we both miraculously had surplus enough to handle it.  I will not ever forget sitting in the funeral home, my Mother scared of what she was going to do when the funeral director handed her cost sheet.  My brother got up from the couch and went to his car and got his checkbook.  As the pen touched the checkbook, he broke.  My heart sunk and I cried for him, I cried for us. 
This was really it. 

My mother expressed his final wishes, he wanted a bagpiper to play Amazing Grace at his graveside, they had both already picked out a headstone at the memorial park that they both liked... one with roses, their flower.  We had an obituary to write and we needed flowers for the service.  It was my turn to step forward, and I did so like my Brother before me, without a thought of anything but giving him everything he wanted.  I spent 2 days picking the flowers, I wanted them to be glorious and huge like all the flowers he had ever showered me and my Mother with while he was with us.  I chose all white.  White roses, lilies, orchids, carnations, mums, daisies stock and trailing ferns.  There was only one flower of color.  Amidst the lavish of white roses a single red rose in the middle of the casket spray was placed symbolically for my mother and father's love... the red rose was their special flower.   After searching and searching I finally found a bagpiper who was the right one.  Among his impressive accolades, he played with the Seattle Symphony and when I spoke to him, the first questions out of his mouth where "I'm sorry for your loss" and he spoke of the passing of his own father and we talked more about mine.  This was the Piper for my Dad. 

We asked Dad's best friend whom he worked 11 years with to play at the services, he readily accepted and he also asked if he could play the interlude music as people were ushered into the service, he said he wanted to do this for him and we could not refuse such a generous and heart felt offer.  My Brother had picked the Pallbearers, all family and friends, no one refused.

While we sat speaking with the Bishop of my Parents church, who was presiding over the service and is that same family friend who was there the day of his passing, he asked us about the Eulogy.  He said if we did not have anyone, that he could arrange a speaker from the church to get up and say a few words.  I had just spoken with Ras about this the night before.  I told him that I didn't feel that my Mother would be able to handle such a task and he agreed that the widow should be allowed to grieve.  I knew my Brother did not like speaking in front of crowds so that left me.  I felt so strongly that it had to be someone from his family, someone who knew him like no friend or stand-in asked to speak on on the families behalf, but I didn't think that I could do it either.

It was as if someone pushed me off the couch from within and before I could reason with myself, I spoke up.  "I will do it."  The Bishop, my Brother, my Mother and Rasmus all turned their eyes to me.  Rasmus asked me "Are you sure?  You were just saying that you didn't think you could do it."  I was scared as hell inside, I looked at my Brother and my Mother and at my Husband and I found strength.  "I have to do it, it feels like the right thing to do."

My next days were spent thinking on the way to properly say goodbye and pay tribute to my sweet, wonderful and sometimes quirky Father.  I wanted it to be right, I wanted it to speak to those who knew him and I wanted it to reflect everything about my Father that made him the special guy he was.  His humor, his willingness to give you the shirt off his back, his love, his warmth, his stupid flannel shirts and caps, his ability to laugh at himself, his ability to make every person he met love and adore him.

I wanted to handwirte the Eulogy.  I felt a need to feel it, from my heart to the pen and to the paper.  Rasmus bought me a special moleskine journal and I filled it with outlines, quips, ideas, poems, memories and the start of a rough draft.  I recopied the draft and polished it up so that I could read my own handwriting, I made the print large so that I could read it through the inevitable tears that would come.

Friday, a week after he passed the funeral home held a private viewing for the family.  I went to see him with Rasmus, my Mother had arrived early and given him his last haircut and my Brother was already there when we arrived.    I cried again, he finally looked at peace.  Rasmus left me alone with him and I whispered through tears words only for him.  I pressed my cheek against his, like we always used to do, for the last time and kissed him on the forehead.  No more tests, no more pain.  He is free and at peace now.

Yesterday we laid my Dad to rest.  The service came, and it was time for my words to carry the tribute, honor, recognition, friendship and love of all those sitting before me to my Father, who I know was there yesterday standing next to me listening.  I have never before stood before one single person, let alone a crowd of over 50, and open myself to the barest part of my heart and soul.  But I did, I stood before them and looked down at my Father lying a few feet away and I honored him.  We were reminded of his jokes, the qualities that we all admired, the empty place in life he left behind that can never ever be replaced or filled.  It was the hardest goodbye.  I handed my Mother the book of thoughts and the eulogy that I wrote for her to keep when I stepped down from the podium.  I was told during the loving embraces after the service that it was beautiful and that he would have been happy, I felt at peace inside, that I do feel he was happy. 

All those who were there, his family and his friends, we all laughed through our tears, clutched those dear next to us and remembered my Hero, my Friend, my Father.

I love you, Dad.
I will miss you until I see you again.

Well... here it is!
New York Times woooooo!

Although, I kinda of wish he had taken the entire quote rather than a snippet, because it just sounds better.  But what can you do... the media will do what the media wants to do.  The article (online at least... I haven't seen it in print yet... heading to Starbuck's now for my Dulce de Leche fix and a couple papers) is a bit different than what I thought it was going to be, but it still turned out good.  I was SUPER glad to see that iStock got alot of mention.

So here is the article: New York Times

Time to celebrate woohooo!

This is going to give you an idea of just how busy I have been lately.
I was asked to take part in an article for the Seattle Times regarding the Microstock industry, which I gladly did.

It was alot of fun, and the reporter was an absolute doll, the interview was more like talking to a gal-pal than sitting down for a serious interview.  Total blast.  She also interviewed Bruce Livingstone and Jonathon Klein too, so it was an absolute treat to be in an article with two people that I admire and owe so much gratitude to for my successes.

So I did the interview and they sent a Times Photographer in to take some pictures of me taking pictures.  It was alot of fun!  I loved every minute of it... although I was a little stressed out that I was going to look like a fat tub of lard hahaha

Anyway, if you'd like to read the article:  The Article

Woooo!  Now to go out and buy me a big stack of papers!

And as a teaser to keep you all in suspense (like I don't do that enough, right?) there is even bigger news coming very soon... like less than a month from now.

That is how bad I suck!!!!!

I know I have kept you all hanging and waiting for the final installment of the Poop Story.
I have a draft copy of it all private-like, I just have to give it a glance over to make sure I do not sound like a total retard once it goes live... you know with my impeccable grammar and spelling. *cough*

After the Poop Story goes live, I will share with you some of the very good and some of the very bad that has kept me so wrapped up and busy, and leaving you all hanging like.... well, dingleberries on the buttocks of my story.

But if you are all dingleberries then I guess I am gonna have to come out of the dingleberry loving closet and exclaim to the world that I love dingleberries and I suck like a two dolla whore.

So please accept my apologies, and know that I will be swinging it back in gear and making more time to vent and blather on about things like Poop and Crotches and Cookies.  Thanks for hanging in there with me you deliciously wonderful Dingleberries, you.

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We just got back from our Dining for Darfur evening, my objective was to spend $100 on dinner, which was thwarted by our server comping us our appetizers and dessert... but we did come close to our goal anyway.  All in all... a wonderful meal for our tummies and for our souls :)

To Caspixel: Rest of the poop coming before I do the Easter thang. I PROMISE :)

Dinner Tonight was at Ovio Bistro:

Drinks to Start: A Split of some dry, oakey yet fruity Prosecco (to celebrate a banner month both production and earnings wise)

Appetizer: Crab cakes with Chive Oil, Blood Orange and Mango Salsa

Rasmus' Main Course: Filet Mignon (medium rare) with Saffron Mashed Potatoes and Steamed Broccoli

Kelly's Main Course: Seared Black Cod with Yuzu Sauce on top of Wilted Peppercorn Spinach with Shiitake Mushrooms and Giant Mazama Potato Chips

Cocktails:
Rasmus: Jack and Coke
Kelly: Nightcap (Steamed Milk, Baily's, Cream de Cacao & Amaretto)

Dessert:
Shared by both of us... awwww
Neopolitan Ice Cream filled Profiteroles with Creme Englais

April 29th, you have your chance to Dine for Darfur and help this worthy cause.  Check the links below for more information about restaurants in your area, or better yet get your favorite restaurant in your area to pledge a night to the cause!
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I don't think I need to go into all kinds of details or political crap about the dire straights the people of the Sudan are going through.  It's horribly sad, enough said.

But what can we do, situated comfortably in our suburban homes far removed from the plight of those less fortunate than us?

We can go out for dinner.  Simple as that.

Yeah, sounds too good to be true, doesn't it.  You mean that I can go out for dinner at a nice restuarant AND help the poor and unfortunate?  Yep... you sure can.

On April 3rd, many Seattle area restaurants have banded together  and pledged 25% of their proceeds from the sale of food and drink to the Dining for Darfur cause.

On April 29th, many New York restaurants will be joining the cause as well.

I urge you to check for Dining for Darfur events happening in your neighborhood and go out and have a nice dinner... go ahead and splurge knowing that you are helping out.

List of Seattle Restaurants for Dine for Darfur April 3rd

List of New York, Washington DC, California, Utah,  Hawaii and Japan Restaurants for Dine for Darfur April 29th

Water For Darfur Donation Site

If you are in the Seattle area and would like to join Ras and I for April 3rd, send me a message and I'll give you the details where to meet us for food and then drinks later on :)

WARNING:  This post contains extremely chewy and extremely delicious cookies.

Oh damn... yeah you heard me right.  PINK COCONUT COOKIES, BABY!  I know it's been a little while since I last posted... Poo Part III is coming after I bury some workload behind me.  I'm going to make it up to you by sharing this little concoction I came up with on a total whim tonight.  After dinner I was really craving a cookie.  We didn't have any cookies laying around and the only flour I have in the house at the moment was whole wheat.  You can't make a very good cookie out of that, they'd be too heavy and bitter.  I wanted light and sweet and chewy.  Then I spyed a brand new bag of coconut that I bought for my ripening mangoes (sorry mango buds, I'll buy you a new bag of coconut later).  I had eggs, I had sugar, I had butter, I had coconut and more importantly I had the craving for a cookie.

So I grabbed a bunch of ingredients, including some sour cherries and some pecans for more chew, crunch and sour to balance out the sweet.  And pink food coloring... because I felt like it dammit.  I turned on the Kitchen-Aid and started throwing things in the bowl randomly and what came of this mad experiement was the discovery of the cookie of my dreams.  Crisp edges that are still chewy, and inside that is moist and delectable with strands of coconut, sour cherries and pecans running through the chewilicious goodness.

These are just in time for Easter, and I can promise you that these cookies are simply divine. So make them for the Holidays or just make them for the hell of it, your friends and family who taste these will totally GEEK OUT... that's just how good they are.

Pink Coconut Cookies

Kelly's Pink Coconut Cookies
preheat your oven to 325 degrees

1 stick of butter, softened
1/2 cup Powdered Sugar
2/3 cup Baker's Sugar (ultra fine sugar, but regular will do in a pinch)
2 tsp Pure Vanilla Extract

Cream together the above ingredients on high for about 3 minutes, until the butter and sugar mixture looks creamy and fluffy.

1/2 tsp Salt
1/2 tsp Baking Soda
6 - Egg Whites - ONE AT A TIME

Add the Salt and Baking Soda, mix for about 1 minute.  Then add the Egg whites one at a time, mixing for 1 full minute after each egg white is added.

1/4 to 1/2 cup Almond Flour (ground almonds)
2 cups Flaked Coconut
1/4 c Pecan or Black Walnut Pieces (optional)
1/4 Dried Sour Cherries (optional)
Food Coloring (optional and pick whatever color you feel like dammit hehehehe)

Dump the rest of the ingredients in the mixer and let it go for a minute or two.
On a cookie sheet lined with parchment or a silicon mat... seriously don't attempt this recipe if you do not have either of these things available.  They will make removing the cookies from the sheet sooo much easier, for the record I used parchment paper this time.  Drop very rounded heaping teaspoons onto the parchment or silicon, bake in the oven for 17-20 minutes until just the edges are golden brown.  Remove and let cool.

When storing these, cut small squares of parchment or wax paper and insert in between each cookie, otherwise they will stick together.  Keep them in an airtight container and they should keep unrefridgerated for about 3 or 4 days.